On another note.  I spent some time today updating tarraguna.com and I like it, I like it a lot.

780 anual savings by cutting out our weekly eating out of chinese food. While we really enjoy the food and not having to cook one night a week as I figure the anual cost to be ($15.00 x 52) 780 dollars it just is not worth it.

600 anual savings by cutting out the MediaMax Unlimited option on my Samsung Blackjack mobile phone and by dropping our family plan down a notch. We have been way under on our minutes usage so much so that now we have 1,957 rollover minutes that we will never actually use because we are always under our minutes each month.  While I love surfing the internet, receiving email, using twitter via SMS text messaging and uploading video to my youtube account all via my Blackjack all with it being coverd by the MediaMax Unlimited option on my phone for a whopping 39.99 a month I think it is just not worth it.  I spend most of my time at work or at home where I have the interent.  If I need to use the internet to get directions via the Live Search program on my phone I will just have to pay per usage at the rate of $0.01 per KB transfered.  It is rare that I ever need to use this feature on my cell phone plan.  Normally it gets used just because the option exists.

Walking to work? Due to the fact that I would have to ride by an intersate entrance and exit ramp where people are definatly not paying attention to any pedestirans and the lack of sidewalks make my route to work very unsafe to ride a bicycle.  I have seen many a commuter zooming 20 miles faster than the speed limit on the road rushing to get on the entrance ramp to the freeway because they are late for work and it would only take one of these cars hitting the side of you on your bicycle to really do some serious physical damage to you costing time and $$$$ and having it HURT.  Thus we have decided against me bicycling to work.  Walking to work would be possible.  According to Google Maps it 1.3 miles to my work from my apartment.  That is of course going by car drivable roads.  I think I could cut of some of the distance by using some short cuts.  I love the satellite view offerd by Google Maps.  While it won’t save too much money to walk versus driving to work, maybe $ 5 a month since my commute is so short, I think it will be liberating walking to work and not being chained to my car.  I will feel like I did when we lived in Europe. FREEDOM

Rog3r only commutes to the hospital 2 days a week so his commuting costs are low.  He can’t ride the bus to work because he has to be at work before the buses start running.

Earning extra income? I will still need to investigate all these options more. Here is a good link about transcribing.  Here is a good line about writing for an income.

I am also selling our books and DVDs online via half.com.  You can see my “store” here.  We are also selling some items on craigslist.org; Sony 5 Disc CD Player, Toshiba DVD Player, Iomega External Zip Drive, Iomega External CD Drive, 2005 Ford Taurus 3.0L V6 Gas/ E85,  VCR Toshiba 4 Head, and a Dell Dimension L933r Desktop with WIndows XP install disc. Note: the links will only be good for 45 days or so since that is when they expire on craigslist.

As the shadow follows the body,
as we think, so we become.”

-From the Dhammapada
(sayings of the Buddha)

I have felt quite tired the last few days. I am feeling like I am in a funk and can’t seem to find my way out. I think it has to do with the fact that I have seen my extended family a lot lately. I always feel as if I cease to exist around my family. I am so different from them. They don’t appreciate this difference. Normally if I choose to be bold and speak up it is met with them making fun of me and or taking offense to what I just stated I believed or think. Due to this fact I usually just remain silent and try to appear like a good daughter. This starts to erode me on the inside. If I have seen my family to often without being able to build up my insides then it all just keeps eroding until I feel empty and hollow and I just feel like giving up and just being like them. I have to keep reminding myself that I have tried and tried to be like them and it was never a good outcome on those rare occasions. It did not make them like me nor did it make me feel any better. I am not saying that my family does not love me, they love me. It’s just that they don’t like me. I love them a lot, but I also don’t think I like them. We are just too different.

I know I have written about my family probably too much lately but that is who I have been around. Lately I feel claustrophobic and as if I may suffocate. Between trying to make them all happy and trying to carve out my authentic path there is just no way to win. Normally what I feel happens is that I do something to appease them which makes me feel bullied and manipulated and then it backfires because I did not do exactly what they wanted. I tried to come up with a compromise between what we both want. They just see it as me being an asshole because I did not do it their way. My opinion is that if I was always going to do it their way then what is the purpose of me existing. I wish I could find a way to stand up for myself and express myself without hurt the feelings of my family.